Toddler Gang-up


That moment when kids go to bed and you think, “Ah, I can finally sink into my bed,” and you fall asleep only to be woken up 5 minutes later with your name being screamed from the bedroom of your child. You help put them to ease as your heart is thrashing inside your chest and your head feels as if a bomb just went off. They fall asleep and just as you get out the door the floor creaks and, you know who wakes. “Mommy! You can’t go!”

You return to your station and sing him a lullaby. Unfortunately, we are now nearing midnight and you end up singing yourself to sleep standing up. Your knees buckle underneath your weight, but you catch yourself just before hitting the floor. You quietly tip toe out of the room, climb into your bed, lay your head down and close your eyes.

All is quiet. And as you begin to drift off to sleep, you hear a little patter of feet. You open your eyes and discover your little one beside your bed staring at you like a creepy child from a horror movie. She claws at your top and tears it down to attack your body behind it. She’s hungry/thirsty… And you’re TIRED! It’s 1:30 am now. She decides to chomp down on your nipple and use it to climb up your bed. You almost yell, but you’re too exhausted to. This is when child 1 calls out, “Mommy! Mommy!” You try to unlatch the piranha, but since she’s attached and dangling like a baby alligator on Johnny Knoxville’s nipple, you take her for the ride. You stumble into child 1 as he has now come running out of his room. He’s half asleep and slurring something about asking Indiana Jones to stay for lunch. He’s scooped up and we return to the matriarch’s field of happiness. SLEEP would be great.

It’s now 2:30… After multiple days like this, you are beginning to feel loopy. The little one finally unlatches and we are approaching 3 am. You fall off into dreamland.

At 3:20 am, you awake feeling like you can’t breathe and as if a weight was dropped on you. It’s also, very dark! Too dark. That’s because your oldest has decided your face was the best place to settle in for the night. After rolling him off you and finally catching your breath, the charlie horse in your leg takes over because your children had migrated in so closely, pushing you to the edge of the bed and leaning against you that you were forced into a very uncomfortable position that now has caused this predicament. They are sleeping… So you bare it without trying to help the cramp dissipate to keep from disturbing them. This is when the littlest barely wakes and in 3 seconds flat is latched on to breastfeed again. The charlie horse is gone and you begin to trail off… Only to be awoken by the alligator death roll! You are not stretch arm strong and a hearty, “YYYAOW,” is released from behind your lips. Suddenly you feel a stream of warm wetness down your cheek and think, “Am I crying??”

Your delirium is setting in. It’s 4 am. You fall asleep and suddenly, before you know it, your husband’s alarm goes off… Your right eye scans the room and closes. A moment later, you hear a faint noise and open an eye to the youngest hovering and staring at you. She smiles and then begins to pull down your shirt to access the only thing she cares about right now; Milk. All you care about is sleep. You close your eyes and next thing you know, you’re dreaming about rain. It’s pouring and it’s refreshing. So refreshing that you wake. You discover your 2 lovely children are standing over you with opened bottled water and YOU. ARE. DRENCHED. You strip off your clothes and lean over to begin stripping your bed when your littlest maneuvers underneath you and latches on to your dangling breast.

You look at the clock; 6:37 am…

Welcome to your day.